3.10.03
the mindboggling problem is eating into me and keeps me thinking. it keeps me away from sleep. trudging along aimlessly on a meandering gravel road.
denise, get yourself out of this mess and start on your work. you dont want to regret this.
den* stepped on your garbage at
feeling lonely and alienated. so much so that im craving for attention. i am dying for attention and i dont like the idea of it. i have been reduced to such an insignificant weakling. sometimes i just cant figure out what i want out of this wandering life. the nutrition for my soul is pretty basic. it boils down to the simplest spices but yet...people fail to understand. perhaps the words "tacit understanding" dont exist in my dictionary. or is it theirs?
mrs gek just called...strange. even stranger to hear her call me "denise"....maths maths and more maths. all of a sudden, a huge heap of homework has landed on my lap. seems like outing plans are to be cancelled...if not, postponed till a much much later date. apparently this is onli the tip of the iceberg...gotta gear up for more drudgery. when will liberation come my way?? this process is so darn draggy.
talked to turkey ystday. was really fun to hear from her again and nth seems to be lost. i miss seeing turkey.
fish made me so happy today. i really appreciate her presence. fish should noe. she shd be able to tell. she's smart. for some reason or another, i feel like shouting into her face and blurting out the whole horrific truth.
it is time to slip back into dreamland. my moodswings are unnerving but nothing seems to curb it. to hell with moodswings.
den* stepped on your garbage at
2.10.03
with regards to my apathy towards revision for the Os, i have nothing to say. im just pathetic and to further underscore my contemptible self, i refuse to do anything to help myself, to pull myself out of this quicksand. there's a rope tugging me back, telling me that it's just not time yet. perhaps the engine's died. what can i say anyway...the symptoms have all surfaced.
i cannot get the vcd player started. apparently all the wires were unplugged some time ago. nobody's willing to offer help, or rather, everyone's indifferent towards my pleas for assistance. my life has stagnated. come mosquitoes! lay your precious offspring on the motionless waters of this world-wearied flesh. [alright, that was ultra moronic]
there seems to be something to cry about today. i just feel so depressed. afflicted with pain. just feel infested. an inexplicable desire to just r.o.t. but somehow the tear factories have no produce today. honestly, nothing in particular has made me upset. i just feel shit. festered with a pernicious bitterness that's gradually growing.
enough of this whining. like what daph says, i deserve it. seriously, i deserve to be railed at.
den* stepped on your garbage at
1.10.03
slept for 3 hours again. haix...dont seem to understand why i should get so exhausted nowadays. guess that firstly, i was already tired thanks to two consecutive nights of 'interrupted' sleep. and then after today's laughing and humiliation [that others were subjected to] all the way to botanics and back, really couldnt help falling asleep halfway through A Mole. that's for my afternoon...was expecting to do sth more productive....sth like watching tv? haha. hafnt been catching up with my usually series, and the vcd that im supposed to watch is still lying idly nx to the tv...just not in the mood to watch movies now.
dont quite like the idea of hafing mass lectures for our post-prelims...pretty strange. but of cos, there are other reasons as to why i disapprove of it. there's the disappointing part abt fish....and also my short concentration span when it comes to larger groups of ppl hafing lessons together.
16 more days till we part.
dreamt that i lost him in the crowd [somehow i think my dreams are quite repetitive] but this time, never got to find him back. this dream is going to be fulfilled soon...regardless of how unwilling i am. parting is such sweet sorrow.
den* stepped on your garbage at
30.9.03
the JC talks have only made me more confused, i dont know what to do with my life. *sigh*
tried doing the maths d papers but ended up with droopy eyelids and consistent yawning. cant tune back to work just yet...it's been a pitiful miserable few days of allowance for rest and the school's all set to push on in the race once again. one thing that i can deduce from this pattern though, is that our maths results are definitely poor, which explains the homework. okay now, why am i complaining over one piece of homework that we're assigned to do? haha...cant believe this.
going out to select the curtains. not too exciting an adventure [and it even means missing my tv show] but it's better than being cooped up at home. going to get sth for the picnic tmr...btw yash, this is just a warning for you...you're not going to like what im bringing tmr. haha. sorry ya? you should be able to guess anyway.
couple of reminders for myself: i) buy shampoo ii) bring 10 bucks [this is for the rest of the class too] iii) taxi fare
den* stepped on your garbage at
28.9.03
yash dear, i seriously felt like murdering your maid when i called your home just now...and if u were home when i called, for pete's sake...pls answer the phone nx time?? -_- was so so frustrated with her...oh wells, with all your maids rather.... nvm. will let u in on the details tmr morning..haha. :)
am so pissed with the helluva post-exam activities we have tmr. if not for the career discov course and the stupid 12 bucks that we're being forced to pay for, i will never step foot on the campus of Crescent Girls' School with such feminine attire. okay, whatever it is, i chose the stuff myself....argh..whatever. so so annoyed. to think it ends at 4...great man..great!
den* stepped on your garbage at